How Strangers Talk At Vancouver Dinner Parties

Parties on the West Coast are no different than the rest of the world. Every conversation is a screening process: A way to see where you fit in, and where your agendas lie. If you have come to terms with this, you were probably born and raised into cosmopolitan living. You accept the reality of any big city.  Vancouver’s no different once you learn the nuances.

In Vancouver, this is how strangers talk at dinner parties:

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

“So, are you from around here?”

“Yeah. I live in Vancouver.”

“Where.”

Notice that. That’s the subtle difference between Canadians and the rest of the world. Normally, if you are trading pleasantries at a gathering anywhere from Hong Kong to New York, the first question someone will ask is ‘What do you do?’ Canadians see themselves as a little more “polite” than that. However, when it comes to Vancouver, asking your exact location in the city is equally insidious.

Where you live means everything. It will tell them if you are successful. It will tell them if you are cool. It will infer if you lean towards yoga or the arts or whether you dress your dog. It will guide their judgment as to whether they like you or not. Location is everything.

One question: “Where?”

So. What do you usually say? Uh, Burnaby, actually. Do you confess your New Westminster address? Or that your parents are paying for your place, their place, in Kits? You are a prisoner in Coal Harbour? It’s awkward.

Or do you spout off one of the coolest addresses in the whole city.

“I live off Broadway and Main.”

Expect pursed lip and a single nod. It’s a hip location. And anyone who knows the city will respect your choice. They might even feel a little out-cooled by you. That’s okay, though. See the next question.

In Vancouver, it’s all about first reactions to street names. It’s shallow, sure, but it’s how it goes. In Vancouver you will be judged 100% on where you live, way before what kind of job you have or what kind of car you drive. It’s the way it is.

Here’s how the rest of that conversation will carry out.

“Cool. So what do you do?”

They will expect you to work in media, or film, or graphic arts. They might expect an architect or other creative professional. Even an internship. It doesn’t matter. They’re looking for passion and a willingness to break away from the mundane.

It’s easy to meet likeminded friends when you live at the right place.

The location says it all.

Now it’s time to pull out the big guns. That is, if you don’t like their line of questioning.

Ask them where they live. “Where?”

And follow it up with, “Oh, is that a new building?”

The Bedbug Registry

Did you know that Vancouver is going through a bedbug epidemic? Yep. It’s disgusting. A large percentage of the old buildings in the city are infested with these wretched creatures. If you catch bedbugs, you need to notify your landlord, your strata, and your neighbours. Everyone. You need to knock door-to-door and tell people you are ridden with diseased insects. You become a pariah. Whole wardrobes, bed sets and interior designs – of neighbours – have been laid to waste from one unfortunate tenant.

It’s a sore spot in Vancouver. Not something you find in new homes. But if they’re holding Coal Harbour’s view of the Esso sign over your head – it might be worth mentioning.

If you are curious if a home is host to the creepy crawlies, there is a convenient website that will let you check any address. www.bedbugregistry.com

Note – there are many prestigious addresses on this record, including the Shangri-La downtown.

If you are not in a new building, there is no guarantee that you will be free of the bugs.

You have a Smartphone. Next time someone mentions they’re living right downtown where the action is. Ask, Where?

Downtown is Dead

Have you been to Coal Harbour or Downtown after dark. One word: Boring! Investors from overseas buy these properties. It seems like prime real estate. The reality is: no kid in their right mind would ever want to be caught dead in Coal Harbour or the Financial District. It is the epitome of boring and uncool.

The most well-established movers and shakers in the city are envious of SoMa.